Meet the Overlords
Some say he’s a reptile or dinosaur evolved into a human. Others say he’s a human spliced with reptilian or dinosaur DNA. Let’s just say, he has a — complex — relationship with warm-blooded mammals, especially the human kind. Doctor Coldblood is the leader of the Legion of Dread, despite the fact that it otherwise consists of human mammals, and he has a weakness for warm-blooded females, especially those with the most — pronounced — mammalian characteristics. When he isn’t trying to destroy the world, he spends a lot of time in bars honing his pick-up-lines. He is the original lounge-lizard. But despite his issues, Doctor Coldblood has the best lair, a hollow volcano, and is the top dog of Evil Overlords — except that dogs are mammals, s0 — problem. Doctor Coldblood’s master plan is to use a giant greenhouse gas generator in his volcano lair to warm the earth into a tropical paradise where his genetically engineered dinosaurs will thrive. But the generator is decades behind schedule, and nobody has the nerve to tell him that global warming is going ahead without him. Chief Rivals: General Zed covets leadership of the Legion of Dread, but he can never quite get his act together to oppose him.
Some Evil Overlords cause evil. Cap’n Rehab merely facilitates evil, and makes a crap-ton of money in the process. When more mundane people are caught screwing up — celebrities, politicians, actors, CEOs, pro-athletes, reality TV stars — they call upon the services of Cap’n Rehab, who sweeps them away in his might submarine rehab clinic, the Naughtyless. In the dark depths of the ocean, far from the reach of press and paparazzi, they can sip champagne, eat caviar, benefit from “therapy” sessions with Cap’n Rehab (who is more than a little insane himself), and emerge after the scandal has passed, no better, and probably a little worse, than they were before. Mission accomplished!
A mad scientist among mad scientists, Doctor Funkeystein spends most of his time in the lab, brewing up sinister chemicals and potions, experimenting with matter transmitters, reanimating dead tissue, and creating the occasional artificial life-form. Funkystein’s lab isn’t a popular assignment for Minions, not just because of the doctor’s infamous flatulence (some say his most evil experiments are carried out internally), but because he isn’t at all hesitant to experiment on his own Minions. The rule is, don’t eat or drink ANYTHING in Doctor Funkystein’s lab, unless you’d like to grow a new appendage or get turned into an anteater. Also, never pull his finger. Never. Pull. His. Finger.
From his ornate uniform and cape to his mysterious helmet, General Zed is all about projecting power and opulence. His lair is a palace, and he often talks about himself in the third person. He holds all others (especially Minions) in contempt, though he sometimes reluctantly treats his fellow Evil Overlords as near equals. He even cedes to the leadership of Doctor Coldblood, though he quietly considers himself the superior Overlord. But he also suspects that, helmet or no helmet, Coldblood could, and would, bite his head off, given motivation. For General Zed, fear is a great motivation. Despite his imposing presence, General Zed has a humble past, once being a Minion himself. He and Minion No. 1 were once friends and fellow students of The Ancient Minion, but they had some kind of falling out, perhaps when Zed decided to become and Overlord. They remain bitter rivals, despite often working together.
Every group has its whipping-boy, and for the Legion of Doom, it’s poor, Doctor Head-in-Jar. A sad, disembodied head in a jar (thus the name), Dr HIAJ doesn’t say much, and always looks kind of sad. He’s frequently bullied by Doctor Coldblood, who like to call “show of hands” votes as meetings just to shut down his ideas. Though he is sometimes seen riding around with his jar mounted on a robot body of his own design, he and his jar are often seen just sitting around. At Legion of Doom meetings, he’s often just sitting on the table, and he sometimes turns up in the background in the oddest places, in “where’s Waldo” fashion. Despite not having a stomach, Doctor Head-in-a-Jar is known to have a drinking problem, and is sometimes seen pouring booze directly into the liquid in his jar. Pet Peeves: Pretty much everything Doctor Coldblood does to him, being called “Bob,” sharing his jar with goldfish.
The evil, malignant personification of the one percent, Doctor Wallstreet is rich beyond imagination, and yet still likes to go to Denny’s late at night and swipe tips off the tables when nobody is looking. He’s always looking for a way to separate people from their money and to hold onto every penny of his own. And yet, greedy and selfish as he is, Doctor Wallstreet appreciates poor people and recognizes the need to keep them around. He knows he’ll always have toilets that need cleaning, and you never know when you might need an organ transplant.
It’s rumored the Doctor Santa was once a normal, mall, Santa Claus. But after years of abuse by his employers and ill-behaved children, and constant exposure to over-commercialism and greed, he began to upgrade his Santa Suit, year by year, starting with urine-resistant trousers, on to an electrified pull-proof beard, and so-on, until he had a jolly, armored, cybernetic battle suit with which to terrorize the holidays. Cynical, always angry, Doctor Santa often hides his features under a smiling, rosy-cheeked, battle helmet. He is fond of firearms, explosives, and destruction, yet he remains devoted to a twisted idea of the holidays, delivering presents to those both good and evil. The Minions often take it upon themselves to “lose” presents of fissionable material and weapons of mass destruction bound for terrorist groups.
Read the 8-part storyline, “The Origin of Doctor Santa,” links at the master-page HERE.
Little is known about Doctor Holdem, except he has an evil casino, though it isn’t clear to anyone how that makes it different from any other casino. In any case, given the atmosphere of drinking, gambling, sin, and good times, he is the Minions’ favorite Evil Overlord to work for.
Captain Hardluck is a mysterious figure with a bionic laser-eye. He’s reportedly a space pirate of some sort, though little yet has been shown of his lair or his motives.